Not another pretty face.

Wow, the blog is famous, ever since news broke yesterday of Ron Moss's City of Buffalo violation ticket. Moss, in case you are just checking in, yelled obscenities at an officer. This breaking story is being covered on the much-read blog of Buffalo Pundit as well as other news outlets throughout the area.

I should not be writing a book about Leonard Pennario. I should be writing about Ron Moss. Except it is a lot more fun to look at pictures of Leonard Pennario, I will say that.

Goodness, how I veer from topic. Back to Moss. We bring you an update: At a news conference today, Moss expressed his determination to fight the charges against him. We will put the word out when the date of trial is determined. Seats will go fast.

Here are things Moss says that are immortal.

1.) "Like a caged animal." Applies to how he feels when his wife won't let him leave the apartment.
2.) "Where can a white man get a sandwich in this one-horse town?" Uttered to a local when we were on a family junket to Davenport, Iowa.
3.) "Byron Brown!" This loud reference to our mayor is yelled in Metro buses.
4.) "Better than the wife." Tossed in the direction of females.
5.) "You're not too bad." Ditto.

I was going to do 10 but we will save the other five for another day. We can't shock all the newcomers who are being hooked today through Pundit's blog. We have to start them off easy.

And I thought the big news yesterday was going to be my new Water-Pik. It is the Steinway of Water-Piks. I am in love with this thing. You fill up this huge reservoir with water and .... oh, forget it.

Next to Moss, nothing is that interesting.

Ron Moss participates in city crack-down.

Ron Moss does not sweat the small stuff.

The City of Buffalo announced this week that they are following New York City's 1990's "broken window" model by cracking down on minor offenses. It has been demonstrated that by sweating the small stuff, the more serious crime and quality of life issues can be managed.

Please click on ticket for larger view and to read the offense.

Not to be left out, Buffalo cab driver emeritus - family nut - mayoral candidate Ron Moss decided to volunteer for the program. So today he yelled an obscenity at an unmarked police car after being told to get his shopping cart out of the street.

A present from Ron Moss

Buffalo cab driver Ron Moss. Please click photo for larger image.

Ron Moss tells me that there is a half-price sale at Amvets today. I might go.

Meanwhile, Moss gave us a present. He slipped it through the fence at Goldman Motors, which is the affectionate nickname we have for Howard's other property, the one that isn't Big Blue. Goldman Motors is a 1930s garage. After a couple of days of both Moss and me nagging him to collect the gift, Howard finally went and found it in a clump of weeds. It is a beautiful 2-LP box set of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, conducted by Otto Klemperer and featuring soloists including Christa Ludwig and the great bass-baritone Hans Hotter.

Leonard Pennario told me a great story about when he was 14 and performed with the legendary conductor Klemperer, who I should point out was the father of Werner Klemperer, who played Colonel Klinck on "Hogan's Heroes." OK, I will stop talking about Leonard Pennario. I will stop now.

Back to Moss. When Howard walked in yesterday, he had Moss on the cell phone. Howard has a lemon of a cell phone and right now it only works when you put it on speaker phone. This makes it complicated when Moss calls -- you can't answer it in a normal social setting. Moss was in the middle of a round of questions. He loves to ask comparison questions. "Who makes more money, you or Donn Esmonde?" Esmonde is a co-worker of mine. "Who knows more people, Mark Croce or Myron Robbins?" "Who's more happily married, so-and-so or so-and-so?" (We do not want to include names in that example, because for Moss that question is code for "Who do you think fools around more?")

Yesterday when Howard walked in, I heard Moss asking: "Who was greater, Mozart or Beethoven?" There is a question you can argue for years, and one that can easily get ugly with the addition of a little alcohol. It is the classical music equivalent of the Beatles and the Stones.

It is fun to make up comparison questions of your own.

Who has wrought more destruction in my life, Larry Solomon or my brother Tony?
Who is more liberal, Ted Kennedy or my sister Katie?
Who was the bigger character, our late mayor Jimmy Griffin or the Australian-born composer Percy Grainger? There is no shame in mismatching people when it comes to questions like this.

What offers bigger bargains, the Trinity White Elephant Sale or the Amvets half-price Memorial Day sale?

That question, at least, I might be able to answer today. I hope there will be no incidents. Once I walked into Amvets and there were these kids, these teenagers, kind of congregating and poking each other and peering down one of the aisles. Following their eyes, I saw what they were looking at. Moss!

With him around, life is never dull.

The nut, at his nuttiest

Ah, spring. Even when it's rainy, it feels good. The drifting of the smell of the zoo across the park, the cooing of the morning doves, the firing up of the neighbors' grills, the emerging of the peppermint in the garden, the gamboling of puppies, the blaring of the boom cars, the sitting at my desk for seven hours .... oh, wait, those last two were cons, not pros. Well, still.

Cousin Ron is feeling especially frisky.

This is Howard's cousin, Ron Moss, introduced in this blog a few days back. He is out on the streets again. He got thrown off the Elmwood bus. He was mouthing off about the PA primaries .... Moss loves to get on a bus and just make his voice heard ... and the driver told him to get out. Which is what Moss thrives on. He loves that.

He disembarked peacefully. He always does. The driver was black, so Moss' loud parting words to her were a good-humored: "What, can't a white man ride?" Everyone on the bus, black and white, was laughing.

Ron Moss is considered by many friends to be the "original blogger" except instead of using a computer he shows up in person. I personally think of Moss as "the human pop-up window." He is like one of those obscene pop-up windows that surprise you when you are least prepared. But by the end of the rinse cycle, my day is always richer for it.

He has been asking for a megaphone for his birthday. Hmmm ... I wonder if that would that be considered upgrading to broadband?

We will be introducing a Family Nut feature. Every family has one. Admit it! Revel in it!

Please send us your nuts for future publication to mkg@MaryKunzGoldman.com